Eat Oatmeal Not Glue (It Can Be Done)

By Jordan Bissell on August 18, 2014

Contrary to popular belief, oatmeal—when made correctly—is not an appropriate alternative for grout when building a house.  In fact, not only can oatmeal be a non-gluey non-pasty non-gummy breakfast food, but it can also be delicious (I ate oatmeal this morning while a chocolate croissant sat in my fridge).  Here are four tips that could prevent your oatmeal from being a brick in your stomach.

Don’t overcook it.

Oats, like most self-respecting foods, are meant to be cooked not boiled.  If the entire bowl has one texture then that, my dear, is slop not oatmeal.  Reduce the cooking time.

Don’t add gross things.

For some reason, even people who hate raisins feel like they have to add raisins to oatmeal.  Don’t commit this oatmeal felony…JUST SAY NO!  If you don’t like it, don’t add it.  Oats are not going to magically transform a gross food into a delicious one.  (Also, savory oatmeal is not a thing–vegetables should never be added to oatmeal. Period).

Use oats.

Intuitive right?  Apparently not.  Many people (ahem! My fellow college students) feel that those instant oatmeal packets qualify as oatmeal but, unless you enjoy a child-sized bowl of slimy brown sugar in the morning, eat real oats.  I am guilty of buying packages for the sake of saving money, but a good-sized tin at the farmers market is way cheaper.

Don’t be too healthy.

Yes, I know that white sugar is bad for you.  I also know that you are a human and not a vegetable-and-seed-eating robot.  Chances are, adding a tablespoon or so to your oatmeal will give you way less sugar than your regular bowl of cereal or your usual at Starbucks.  Other delicious add-ins are fresh fruit, nuts, or even chocolate!

All I ask is that you give oatmeal a chance!  If you use these tips, you won’t be disappointed.

Jordan is obsessed with Saturday Night Live, cereal, Walt Whitman, 80s music, making lists, planning trips she can't afford, shopping at Goodwill, and puppies. She is clearly a highly obsessive person.

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